A Man’s Guide To Female English
A MAN’S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
1. We need = I want.
2. It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
3. Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
4. We need to talk = I need to complain.
5. Sure... go ahead = I don’t want you to.
6. I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!.
7. You’re ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
8. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
9. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
10. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
11. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
12. I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
13. Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
14. I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
15. Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something really expensive.
16. How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to
like.
17. I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
18. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
19. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
20. Yes = No
21. No = No
22. Maybe = No
23. I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.
24. Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it.
25. I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important!
26. All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = We’re stopping at the cosmetics
department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those
pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
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