A Man’s Guide To Female English
 

A MAN’S GUIDE TO FEMALE ENGLISH
1. We need = I want.
2. It’s your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now.
3. Do what you want = You’ll pay for this later.
4. We need to talk = I need to complain.
5. Sure... go ahead = I don’t want you to.
6. I’m not upset = Of course I’m upset, you moron!.
7. You’re ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
8. You’re certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
9. Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs.
10. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house.
11. I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper.....
12. I need wedding shoes = the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white.
13. Hang the picture there = NO, I mean hang it there!
14. I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep.
15. Do you love me? = I’m going to ask for something really expensive.
16. How much do you love me? = I did something today you’re really not going to
like.
17. I’ll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV.
18. Is my butt fat? = Tell me I’m beautiful.
19. You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me.
20. Yes = No
21. No = No
22. Maybe = No
23. I’m sorry = You’ll be sorry.
24. Do you like this recipe? = It’s easy to fix, so you’d better get used to it.
25. I’m not yelling! = Yes I am yelling because I think this is important!
26. All we’re going to buy is a soap dish = We’re stopping at the cosmetics
department, the shoe department, I need to look at a few new purses, and those
pink sheets would look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?

The Meaning of Globalization
 

Question: What is the truest definition of Globalization?

Answer: Princess Diana's death.

Question: How come?

Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gates's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that uses Taiwanese chips,and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization

hahaha keren abiesss

Wrong Flowers
 

A new business was opening and one of the owners friends sent flowers for the occasion. But when the owner read the card with the flowers, it said, "Rest In Peace". The owner was a little peeved, and he called the florist to complain.

After he told the florist about the obvious mistake, the florist said, \"Sir I’m really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying, "Congratulations On Your New Location".

cool story!

smart one :cool:

heheheh... nice joke

Wives VS Husband....
 

!!!!Guess Who Wins Every times...!!!!

A couple drove down a country road for a several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules,goats and pigs, the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "In-Laws"


A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...30,000 and mans use 15,000 words per day.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..."
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What..?"


A man said to his wife one day "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!.

Cih, apaan neh, ngegombal-gombalin kaum wanita doang.

yaaa...cuma sekedar jokes doang bang!! ga usah sewot gitu dong..kan niat nya cuma pengen bikin orang terhibur.....hehehe...peace!!!!